Monday, December 27, 2010


As crazy and stressful my time in Taiwan was (and considering I was sick for almost the whole time I was there), I realize that... if things were different, I wish I could go back.

I'd never experienced so many things all at once before. It was tough, hard, but it was... amazing. I felt like a completely different person: Mentally, physically... spiritually (well, I was mentally and physically exhausted all the time, and that sucked), but I also felt physically nicer (besides the main fact of me being... ummm... ill for a month and a half :/ :( ). But I mean, I had had my hair cut very short several months prior and it grew back wavy, and when I was in Taiwan, the humidity and climate made my hair curly, and I was ecstatic! I had always wanted curly hair and that was wonderful! I felt wonderful about my hair. :)

I felt too, that I lost weight (a Taiwanese woman I was working with had commented that I looked healthy and had lost a little weight), and I was excited about that, too!! :D I was incredibly excited and happy.

Unfortunately, when I got back to the states, I checked my weight and realized I hadn't lost any weight but I had gained 10 pounds... sooooooooo, you can imagine my disappointment. :(

It's understandable though why I gained weight. We were fed really well at the camps for one, and I was sick and ill for forever so I couldn't really do any physical activity with the kids (besides being exhausted mentally and physically every moment since the minute I stepped off the plane into Kaohsiung). Another factor to my gaining weight was just the whole teaching-for-the-first-time thing! I was really freaked out and stressed and nervous... and all that contributes to weight gain...


Before I stricken with disappointment that I hadn't lost any weight and was under the delusional impression that I was LOSING weight, and I felt good! I felt great! I was happy. :)

As far as spiritually... I felt spiritually stronger... like I was closer to God then I had ever been before.

I guess I pretty much decided that if ANYone was going to get me through these new and frightening experiences, it was God and God ONLY. I had to rely on HIS strength, because I was so exhausted, there was no way I could muster it up for myself.

I had really rough times there in Taiwan, and I had two wonderful gals who kept me threw it. Susanna and Laura W. were my supporters. At the last two camps we would read the Bible together in the mornings and at night we'd sing uplifting Christian songs on the beach. We encourage each other and lift each other up. We laughed, we cried, we talked about life, boys (and the difficulties surrounding them and us, lol ), and we were just there for each other. I miss those times. I miss those gals...


It's really easy for me to look back and see all of the negative... like

how I was constantly sick and the doctors didn't seem to know what to do the help get me better,

or how exhausted I was the second I stepped off the plane into Kaohsiung and was spring-boarded directly into teaching the next day (I never recovered from my jet lag - I was exhausted every moment of every day while I was in Taiwan).

How stressful teaching was - I'd never taught kids before and I was stressed out (but I did what I had to do), or how I was worked non-stop. Like 40-80 hours a week (for two months straight)!

how I didn't have time to enjoy the sights of Taiwan until my last day in Taipei (with Teresa, Laura, and Kevin - which was amazing by the way! :D ), but just how disappointed I was about that I was just working working working all the time.

Or how I felt that all the (HUGE) native bugs of Taiwan wanted to greet me all at once (ants, cockroaches, MASSIVELY disgusting spiders to name a few). O.O

... or how when I was in the San Fransisco airport talking with my mom on the phone (waiting 7 hours overnight in the cold terminal just waiting for my flight home) and I how I realized that all experiences that I went through (the good and the bad) were over and I'd never experience them again. And how all the friends I had made - how unlikely it would be that we would see each other ever again... and I just cried.

But... despite all of the hardships I went through... I miss my experiences there. I was someplace new and exciting and different - doing something I had never done before - meeting new people and making new friends, and I miss it.

And above all, I was in ASIA. I'd wanted to travel to eastern Asia ever since I was 13, and even though I wasn't jumping for joy that I was in Asia the whole time I was there (because I was just exhausted lol :P ;) ), it was beautiful! It was a wonderful experience and I wish that I would go back... Even if it was to teach. I would prefer not to be worked like a plow-horse the whole time I'm there, definitely! But I know that teaching children is a wonderful experience and a good thing to learn, even though it's hard and it drains all your energy... It is something good.

I wish I could go back to Asia. I fell in love with Taiwan and I wish I could go back. I want to go someplace new all over again - experience new things and meet new people and make new friends and do something good by teaching children and touching their lives (even if it's just the tiniest bit).

If I had the money, and if I had the time and the mental and spiritual energy... I would like to go back.

I miss Taiwan. I miss new experiences... I miss the friends I made there...


I miss you so much, my Taiwanese friends!!

First camp orientation

Austin, me, Sarah, Joanna, Hannah, Laura, Kara, and Mei

Last get-together as a team before some of us went our separate ways

Nantou - week 1

My kids - Nantou camp, week 1
Solar eclipse


Sally, Me, Eve, and Kendra

Eve and Me

Yian and Eve <3

Beautiful scenic view

The portrait I drew of Perlin for our skit - hahah ;)

At the beach at night

Laura and I doing piles of our laundry... it needed to be done, lol ;)
(Susanna took the picture)

Laura, Susanna, and me

Teresa, me, Laura, and Kevin in Taipei
(my first and last day to be a tourist in Taiwan)

(Thank you to all my friends who took such wonderful pictures!)

Friday, September 17, 2010

Keeping an Eye on the Prize...

"Life is a roller coaster"...

Too bad I get motion sickness easily. :P

Hmmm... I was just thinking how what helps me stave off motion sickness... and how it reminds me of life in general:

If I'm in the car, I can't focus on the inside of the car - I can't rely on what's inside the car to help me NOT get sick. I have to always be looking out the window and focusing on the things that don't move - that stay stationary. If I start to get sick, I need to roll down the window to breathe the fresh and crisp air of outside.

I also can't try to ignore the motion or make the long ride seem shorter by reading a book or such... If I try to ignore it, it just makes me even more sick.

It reminds me of my dependence on God. How, when I focus on the roller coaster of this life, with it's never ending ups and downs, I get sick (but if I try to ignore it, it makes me worse).

But when I focus on, and rely on, God I can look to Him and be encouraged that He is the One Who never changes, and He's always with me through the ride. He's always by my side, and He'll never leave me. And I'm always so baffled by this.

Even though it's sometimes hard to see through this crazy whirlwind of life, what a kind, loving, affectionate, passionate, perfect, and incredible God we serve - Amen? :)

So, yes, life's a roller coaster... but there's a glorious prize at the end of the ride. And His name is Jesus

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Hole Inside... Is There a Fix?

Do you ever wonder how SO much can be going on inside you? Things like, daily struggles, lessons to learn over years and years, developing personality and entirety of your person, and how's it's like that for every other human being on the planet? And also how there will never be another you or anyone else? Isn't that baffling? Even when our struggles seem so large, sometimes we can still seem to justify that our struggles seem larger than others (or our problems – as a society – are bigger than the previous generations past).

Even when I'm frustrated with the lessons I have to learn again and again, or the hard questions in life that are posed to me and I don't know how to answer them, when my heart breaks for someone who has had to go through hell to learn those hard lessons in life, when I realize how selfish I am for thinking my problems are so much bigger than someone else right beside me who is suffering just as much or more, and when I become crushed by the inner turmoil in my soul, I always have to remember how big my God is (and that's the only thing for me that remotely puts my troubles into perspective). And also how nothing else can satisfy one's soul and one's longings. God is the only thing in this world that can fully quench this everlasting thirst.

No matter how hard I try when I search and search for things to satisfy me - when my soul hurts and I try to fill it up with things that don't satisfy, God is the only One Who can fill that missing something, that hole.

Everyone is searching. Everyone feels a need to be loved, they feel something is missing. That is what our lives consist of - searching and searching - whether it's scouring the world, or scouring the heart and soul - we all feel a hole inside that needs to be filled.

Has anyone ever truly loved you to the absolute fullest? Has anyone ever completely fulfilled that need for love that you long for and need? Do you ever wonder why would God created people with this deep need to be loved? It's because we are spiritual creatures, each with a distinctive soul, each meant to have a relationship with God. But we're cut off from Him, and only God is big enough to mend us back together with Him - only God is big enough to fill the hole. Only God can satisfy completely.

To become fully satisfied with God – that is my goal. That is a hard lesson I am learning time and time again. It's hurts every time I learn this lesson, and sooner or later I pray it will sink in. And I can't wait until I stop constantly searching for frivolous and fading things that don't satisfy... because I have a God Who is the King of Kings, a Wonderful Counselor, and the everlasting Father Who gave His life for me so that I could have that connection with Him and so He can mend the pieces of my soul in turmoil and fill the hole inside.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

For anyone who might be following this blog,
please pray for me.




Tuesday, February 02, 2010

"What Can I Do..."

Okay so I know it's been forEVER, but here's a little update about my time in Taiwan this last summer... :)

I share a small, yet significantly HUGE experience of my time in Taiwan...